Chapter Sixteen - Embracing Your Nuttiness
When you decide to dive back into music, there are very few of your friends who get the Jeckyll & Hyde nature of your personality and allow you to be whom you are. But there are a handful of people who just stand by you, even in those dark moments of artistic vulnerability.
Kim, midnight pancakes, is the one person you pick to go into battle with. She works her butt off with you, has your back over and over again, and when the big movie failed, as I mentioned, she looked me in the eye and asked, “What are we doing next?”
Kim is the first non-music person I discussed my future music plans with. She is the one person I would hand the reigns over to as my proxy in producing my shows. She calls and texts every day when I’m prepping for a performance to remind me how many days are left. She listens whenever I need to vent my frustrations. Most importantly, she does not judge me when I eat like crap, a necessary evil when being creative.
When Matt Peterson offers advice, there’s never an argument. Not only in sound, but in production (and life) as well, he is always simply trying to make it better. I will never try to know the most in the room. I will always try to fill the room with people who know more than me and the most in their field, who can elevate what you are trying to create. There’s no showmanship in Matt. It is craft. What do you do to make it sound the best?
When you meet someone like Matt or Kim, work with him, her, or them as often as you can.
Matt would eventually get married, and he and his wife, Jenice, would only support me more and more as music developed.
Miyeko is one of my mom’s best friends from childhood. But over the years she has also become an incredible supporter, cheerleader, sounding board, and one of my dear friends. Always encouraging, she enquires about whatever the
next "thing" is, rounds up audience members, and never lets me forget I should be creative first. Miyeko was one of the first people I asked to join the Board of the Inception Orchestra. She was a Title I administrator for the LAUSD for many years and is a great voice at the table.
More recently, my friend, Xueni, has been a huge figure in allowing me to fully embrace and discover who I am especially in regard to today’s race relation issues in the country. I feel it is truly important to feel comfortable in your own shoes and embrace who you are. Having a friend who not only encourages, but also challenges you to do so is super important. She is an engineer, I am a musician. We should be like oil and water, but instead learn from each other.
We used to joke that she would run the International Funding Division of Inception. She was just instrumental in securing one of our first external grants.
Some of my closest friends as an adult, I met at the dance studio. Stef got the unlucky assignment of being paired with me as my instructor around 2010.
She got to observe my true self: days I was distracted, days my short term memory failed me, days my long term memory failed me, days when I didn’t feel like learning anything, days I didn’t want to be there, days I was extremely excited about the choreography, and the next day when I hated it. The result of this, though, was that we had to work at our friendship as it grew. It became one of the ones most worth fighting for. She laughs now at my wonkiness and supports every creative idea, no matter how outlandish.
I have watched Stef chase her ballroom dreams with dedication and passion... right into becoming one of those gorgeous pros you aspire to be as you watch them in competition. When close friends do that, it is an inspiring reminder that you are allowed to chase your dreams. And if you don’t have a friend like that, listen to me now... Chase yours!!!
And now, Jonathan and Nitya. To tell their story, it’s easier to just reprint portions of the wedding toast I was allowed to give. (Ironically, it was the third wedding toast I have given, and all three times brides required that I prescreen for their approval.)
July 14, 2013. In the love story of Jonathan and Nitya, they will tell you that they fell for each other at Arthur Murray Beverly Hills. While standing shyly on the sidelines, Jonathan first spotted this brilliant, attractive woman spinning circles around him while learning the salsa and waltz. And after months, he finally worked up the nerve to ask her to west coast swing.
On the first beat, he stepped on her foot. It broke... in twelve places. And he sat by her bedside, nursing her back to health for months. Florence Nightingale for a new generation. And now, Nitya has found her true love, Jonathan. And they were able to dance that beautiful first dance thanks to Nitya’s prosthetic foot.
Okay, that isn’t how it happened. Jonathan and Nitya did begin to cultivate their friendship at Arthur Murray. In fact, they would go out to eat once in a while, and she would clarify that they were going out as “just friends, right?”
In truth, their relationship started at a trendy yogurt shop, Pinkberry. And, ironically, I’m not sure that Nitya has ever been there... still. Every Friday night was an Arthur Murray dance party. And afterwards, our mutual friend, Suzanne, and I would walk down the street and get Pinkberry. We kept asking Jonathan to tag along, but for whatever reason, he never did... probably because of Suzanne and Jonathan’s opposing views on politics, religion, gun control, the weather, movies, the time of day, the color of the sky... you get the idea.
But one night, out of the blue, Jonathan decided to come with us. He didn’t order anything because he’s a snob. I am very pleased that he did come though, because really, I didn’t know much about him. At the dance studio men dance with all the women, and you kinda nod at the other guys at the end of the night. But I now got to discover what a selfless, thoughtful, fun guy Jonathan was.
We kept asking Nitya to join us, but she never would. Until one night, Jonathan must have danced a perfect waltz, because Nitya shocked us all and joined our Pinkberry club for dessert. Except, she didn’t want to go to Pinkberry. She is a bigger snob (or just looking out for her health).
To be honest, Suzanne was a talker. Nitya... a listener. For about seven or eight months, I wasn’t sure what Nitya’s voice sounded like. When she finally did say something, the restaurant was so loud that I still didn’t know what she sounded like.
But then Suzanne moved to Florida – and the too-good-for-Pinkberry, Cheesecake Factory group became me, Jonathan, and Nitya.
By this time, all three of us were in relationships with other people. Friday nights became like therapy – where we all got to go out and talk through our romantic hang-ups.
Then Jonathan and Nitya decided to wisen up, dump their people, and start dating each other. So now we all went out and talked about my dysfunctional relationship and their true love.
In truth, Friday nights became very special to me. Because I started rehearsing piano seriously and was consumed and stressed. Jonathan and Nitya made me meet them for my one break a week.... Every Friday at 10:00. They kept me going. And that was really special for me. They kept me sane.
Kim, Matt, Jenice, Miyeko, Xueni, Nitya, Jonathan, Preston, and Stef... they hold all the dirt.
Find your people. They get you to the finish line. Then there is Rumi.
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