Chapter Twenty-One - Therapy
The smartest thing I did while preparing for the Dream Orchestra concert was contact Michael really, really early in the rehearsal process this time, and call Heewon for lessons.
Both of them had performed the Rachmaninov “Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini” with orchestra. Yikes! They knew it inside and out and had definitive interpretations which were not dissimilar. Their only real fundamental difference was about where to pedal. In both cases, they told me my method of pushing the pedal down to cover up my sloppy playing would not work. I alternated two-hour, bi-weekly sessions with them.
Because playing the Rach with an orchestra would be new for me, I needed to work with an accompanist early and often to understand where the entrances were and how the parts blended together.
People were telling me I was crazy because Michael was expensive, and I laughed because those same people were going to therapy every week and paying just as much. Although Michael, as it turned out, was not covered by Anthem Blue Cross.
It had now been a good nine months since the recital where the Rach had been dropped. Many more passages were falling into place, and I was shocked that I had even thought about putting it on the program before.
Michael is amazingly kind in his coaching approach.
“Have you considered practicing with a metronome?”
Uh...
“How slowly do you need to play that passage so you can play it evenly?”
I’m not sure if there’s a speed slow enough.
”Have you ever recorded yourself playing?”
Yes, I lied. One day I turned on a metronome.
If you’ve ever practiced without a metronome and then used one, it suddenly seems like you have to play meteorically faster, then slam on the brakes, slowing down to an elderly, crippled snail’s pace and then accelerate into hyperspace fast enough to make the kessel run in less than twelve parsecs.
In reality, it is simply the first time you are playing the tempo accurately.
Once I was playing evenly, I recorded myself doing Variation 1 of the Rachmaninov which was a ton-of-bricks heavy, and I can only describe listening to it as something close to fingernails scraping down a rickety, industrial chalkboard, causing every one of your nerves to weightily fray.
It was, though, in time.
I then had to work on lightening it up. You would think this would take the muscle strain out of playing, but the concentrated focus only sent excessive adrenaline through my veins, making the feather-like fingering the most excruciatingly painful portion of the entire rehearsal exercise.
When it was finally lightened up and metronome-even, I took it back to both Heewon and Michael who said the same thing... lacking emotion or any musicality.
Ugh.
Michael said I should envision little kids playing. There it was. The Rachmaninov “Rhapsody on a Theme” became the Adventures of Kai and Shea, the nephews. They frolic out on a quest, quarrel as they run through the forest, explore ancient caves, and look out for each other.
What’s interesting about prepping the Rach, is that although the rest of the piece is tremendously difficult, you spend the most time interpreting Variation 18... and the transition into Variation 18... and the dynamics of Variation 18. I could spend this entire book talking about Variation 18.
Heewon said one thing. Michael another. Daniel, who is Korean, said something in Italian. In fact, most of his comments during rehearsal were in Italian.
“Va bene. Va bene. Ma piu elegante, no? Uno, due, tre.”
And since he’s first an opera singer, he sings all the phrases in Italian.
How do you wade through the different interpretations presented to you?
Go with the one that speaks to you the most.
Michael had suggested this variation was a conversation between two lovers.
Once imagining an intimate chat with the woman I was dating at the time, Variation 18 was ready.
Admission... the performance with the Dream Orchestra was only my second time playing all the way through the Rachmaninov... once with Michael a few days before, and the second in concert.
This is because I am dumb.
H&M were both very excited that I got through it.
Find mentors you trust and respect who have your back and are looking out for you.
Of course I asked Heewon and Michael onto the Inception Board of Directors. No brainer.
Facebook posts during intermission said the Rachmaninov was “amazing” and “moving”. Reading those, I knew Variation 18 had gone very well.
As an encore, with the orchestra on stage, I played “Music of the Night” solo for the above-mentioned woman. It was her favorite song. This relationship ultimately didn’t work out. The main thing I’m mad about? Fifty-one musicians were snickering behind my back at the song choice.
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